When I started this side quest, I knew I had digital and physical clutter and I suspected I would be happier if I could clear some of it out. Two months in I am still finding myself curious about the ‘extra’ that it turns out is all over my life. What has become clear is that getting rid of 100 things a day is far too often just holding steady on the number of things I have. I delete 100 pictures and somehow, I take 100 more. Donate some things only to turn around to packages by the door. Much of this is a sign of the great privilege I know I write from. Tackling this excess with the bold number of 100 per day has brought into clarity just how much good stuff I have in my life, and how often I bring in more stuff.
Just today I bought 46 things at the grocery store. While ideally most of those will be consumed over the next few weeks, I also had to acknowledge we had gotten to a point of ridiculousness with food stocks. With a full pantry, full freezers, and two full refridgerators and I still seemingly needed more with great regularity. It’s not hard to recognize my own scarcity mindset in this and so I’ve been tackling both the stash and that mentality slowly. When working with food (and not being wasteful) t’s not always a clear number of items ‘out’, but I have reduced the excess some folks now try to make trendy by calling “backstock” and our pantry and freezers are notably less overstuffed.
This overstocked situation shows up so often I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it. I’m very organized, so it doesn’t show up as clutter yet in cleaning out my bathroom cabinets I found I easily have a six-month supply of face cream, possibly a years’ worth of lovely soap, and who knows how long a supply of shampoo and conditioner. While we never hoarded toilet paper in this house, I’ve been facing the fact that it seems we all have our things that we keep a tad excessively and I am not exempt.
I’ve been quick to point fingers at others in my family for keeping what seems to me to be everything because “it might be useful” and “we might need it one day”, but I was preaching from an unstable column of all the things I’ve bought for “when I/we run out”. Sure, my stuff may technically be more likely to get used in the next 12 months, but that doesn’t excuse the pure excessiveness of all of it.
Looking back at the idea of non-attachment that started this journey it’s become clear to me it isn’t just the stuff I need to non-attach from.
While I’m wildly efficient and clear in some places in my life, I have been buying and storing something that feels like an attempt at future security in so many other spaces. Example – greeting cards to send later. Not counting Christmas cards, I have 84 cards on hand plus two unopened sets of stationery. It seems I am living with some small layer of fear that I will need a greeting card, and not be able to obtain one – even though the reality is I often look through the box, then go out and choose a new one that feels right for the situation.
Stashed in piles all over the house were the obvious physical books to read later (75), but also I went back and included in my considerations the ones saved in my amazon wish list (44) and in other digital and audible book apps (another couple dozen). And… those numbers are AFTER I went through each of these stacks and lists and removed any books that I don’t actively still want to read or have already read (yes, absolutely this delete party was a part of my 100 things for one day). I can’t help but wonder why I don’t trust my future self to find good books to read. Even if I read/listened to 2 books every week for a year I would still have a couple of dozen to stack on my nightstand.
For now maybe I could chill on books, face lotion, greeting cards, soap, and about 100 other categories of things I might have subtly tasked with making me feel more secure. It’s worth noting that some buying is a habit (even without the popularity of repeat delivery) and especially with consumables. I clearly had some habits to reconsider.
Good news – I have made progress. An interesting thing that helped is that just about the time I was starting this, a massive construction project began on my street. They are digging up the street itself and it is wildly inconvenient to get to and from my house most days. I’m not exaggerating when I say we only get mail one or two days a week now, and I’m thankful the construction plan included a way to ensure we still get trash pickup. This meant that for these past two months, I’ve had to time my errands and shopping to be in the limited times I could get to and from my house… a lesson I learned having to carry groceries in from the top of the street one day. Not the most fun.
Packages we ordered stopped arriving when the “Road Closed” sign went up, and after a few frustrating weeks I found myself not ordering stuff the instant I thought of it. If I can’t pick my delivery day, I get it locally, and either way I’m not likely getting it today. At first, I thought this was going to be terrible but for both the bank account and the amount of stuff in the house it is (not) surprisingly fantastic.
Returning to the backstock of pantry and freezer foods – when I can’t easily get to the grocery store, I’ve tended to check on what I can use that I already have, and only add things we are actually out of to the shopping list. Since I know I’m probably not getting those things for a few days, it has moved me away from the habit of instant satisfaction. When the quick and easy trip to any store (or delivery) is no longer quick or easy, I tend to see what I can use that I already have AND I tend to make better shopping lists, so I get everything I need in one trip instead of just stopping by the store and hoping for the best from my memory.
This journey is long. Some days I pull 100 weeds and look around at the seemingly unending places I could be pulling weeds. I try to focus and remember that just a few months ago there were so many weeds I couldn’t even see the path I’m now on. And now I keep rethinking not just if I keep or don’t keep a thing, but which of my attachments I might need to release with it.